DEFACED BEFORE THE MIRROR I STAND/DRIPPING UNDER THE TANGERINE TRIP/ THATS WHIPING AWAY ALL THE ILLUSIONS I'VE LIVED TODAY
Hummingbird
We just talked
But it wasn't you and it wasn't me
My stomach's still cramped
My tongues all tied up with words i didn't speak
What was i saying?
Only my hummingbird lips moved
you called me that once
a hummingbird
I like that
But my eyes hurt when my wings flutter too fast for you
I hope i haven't
lost you for good
God my stomach hurts
and my throat burns and all i want is to rewind and erase
everything
that didn't happen
and everything that did
erase myself and my insufficient ability to be still
But I'm a hummingbird
as you said
that is what i am
and how can one kiss a fleeting image
"Slow down" you press
but this is my slow and it makes me want to cry
Cry
CRY CRY
cause i can't be slow enough for you
My hands crave to dial
but my heart lasoes them in tight
fingers ache
Great Escape
Today
has carved
me from head to toe
slicing
each reservoir
of serenity
into tiny shards of what used to be
a heart
Tomorrow
i feel
knocking at my door
already
But he's the
sillohette
of a towering man who breaths
down my neck laughing
GET BACK!!
GET BACK!!
GET BACK!!!
I race
back to
yesterday, but yesterday
is a
winning child crying out
every moment
I missed while wanting
a better moment
Tomorrow
Today
is all i have
but it
feels meaningless
a broken engagement
a lost wedding ring
a molded bouquet
How i long for the great escape
Africa
dark hands massage/
my tender soles
trilling vibrations girate up
my spine/ to where undetected
they settle upon lips
like honey
touched by the frost/ my mind moves
throughout my body
to the pulse of a samba,
clicking
it's rhythm/ to the tips of my fingers
Finally
brought out of myself by/
his eyes
our breathes gently drum
slowly/sinuously
attunded to eachothers desires
and
He reaches for my face
you two banter back and forth
words, language and blasphemy
twining your egos into sentences and fancy simalies
i'm scrunching in my corner
each poem streaming from your lip
stinging me
jailing me
into a cell of love and jealousy
Can't stand the both of you
and your perfect inspiration
Dried up young hermit of my soul
cannot feel
and you two banter back and forth
speaking so high
above my head
above my head
There is empty space sitting beside me
on the stool/ and it is charmingly manicuring
it's nails/twining the long strands of time
around and around a sleek long finger...
and I suppose I will write more later
Stomachs still cramped with unspoken sonnets
I know your number by heart
I know you by heart
but then again
do i know anything about you?
You're skin is like ice
underneath is the sea
I catch glimpses through your frosty eyes
But then...
Let me in
Please let me in
Yes I am a hummingbird
but not inside
What are you thinking?
Why can't i read minds?
I want to kill myself or the part of me that tries
i love you too much
to hold back and wait
Still I know what is secret and what never try take
We just hung up
and the seat below me melted
my feet can't find soil
and I'm falling falling falling
No rope
no rode
No warmth
I smiled and filled the spaces
but it wasn't you and it wasn't me
and someone could have sliced the distance with a red hot razor blade
Where were you?
Where am I?
My wings are soar now
My wings are soar
Sometimes i think it'd be easier
only to die
than be in love
Brail
The misty fingers
turn around
his liquid eyes
lighting perfectly, with symmetry
a tranquil sea
of almond milk
The creamy reality
dripping ovre
those lense like lashes
he cannot see
anything at all
but places one
callosed foot before the other
stretching both virgin arms
before him
gently grasping those
misty fingertips before him
who guide him
and speak to him like brail
Question: The theme for this year is Oregon Dreamer. How does your act reflect this?
Here's a blub I just wrote for The Bite Fesitval 2005, Portland, OR
"You can say I'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one," borrowing a line from John Lennon's invincible song, Imagine. So , what is a dreamer? Is it someone who floats around like a cloud in a tangerine menagerie? Is it someone whose ambition drives them through life? Or is it a person who is off beat, odd and rare? In my opinion, a dreamer is all of them, because everyone, in his or her heart, is a dreamer. Some people are closet dreamers, hiding underneath a so called "real world"mentality. Others folks however, rambunctiously jump onto the magic quilt, and rollarcoaster up and down with their dreams for the entirety of their lives. Personally, once I started dreaming, I couldn't stop.
For as long as I can remember, and apparently (according to my parents) even earlier on in my life than that, I'd spend hours upon hours everyday, absorbed completely in a parallel universe, a playground of the imagination, that I created. This world existed whenever, wherever, and however I wanted it to, and could change with the drop of a word. Every day, I'd get home from school, descend the cold cement stairs that led down into my freezing basement a.k.a. "the mildew castle." I'd skip across the room, or slither depending on my mood, over to an old-fashioned chest, which sat, anxiously awaiting my arrival, mouth cracked ajar. Medieval dresses, fairy wings and ninga outfits rustled about in its stomach, bubbling over the edge and onto the floor. Dolls and swords contentedly played on the outskirts with abandoned scarves and shoes. My tinny hands would rummage through the costume, sifting through worlds and characters, emotions and adventures, and possible inspirations, there for the choosing. Once I'd pick something, I'd slip it on, proceed to climb out a window sliced into our laundry room, and thus catapult into a dreamlike trance with the imagination. For hours, I'd run around, dodging douglas firs, chickens, and blackberry bushes on our beautiful, two acre yard in Southwest Portland. Some days I was a princess, some days I was the witch, some days I was Lucille Ball, somedays Dorothy. I'd sing, dance, pretend...makeup songs and stories... sing, dance, pretend... and dream, dream, dream. At that tender age, I didn't know that I could create a career out of my dreaming, but when time came to put away my frog costume and slip into adolescence, teachers, theatres, and schools around Portland guided me in translating these dreams into a life. I started performing in plays, in musicals, at local coffee houses with my guitar and piano, in Washington DC at the Ace Pilots WWII convention ...all over the place! I began molding a life where, being a musician, performer, and archeologist of human experiences/emotions, became the shoes that guide my every step.
It might sounds like a bit of a cliche, but I think growing up in Portland is highly responsible for feeding me the courage to go for my goals and "Just Do it!" So many people have the talent, but have forgotten how to dream. Portland seems like a nest for dreamers. It supports you while you incubate, helps you crack out of the egg once your ready, and then, if you want, tie-dies your feathers beautiful colors, and watches you fly.
Now, finishing up the last few months of my 18th year, I've cracked myself out of the egg, and started sprouting wings. I've created my own style of music that expresses myself, my dreams, my quirky humanness, my thirst to travel , my hunger to love, laugh, cry and say 'ya mahn' like a Jamaican. I couldn't have gotten this far, and created what i've created if, too childlike and ambitious by some standards, I'd been booted out of the nest before sprouting some wings. Yeah Portland! So how does my act at this years Bite 2005 reflect an Oregon Dreamer? Well I guess I just am one, and my songs are written to encourage everyone else to be one too, cause it's just so much more fun! I'll be the beach-loving, bluesy, song writing, young girl , whose carrying her guitar and piano, wearing flip-flops and a Costa Rican necklace.
Pura Vida!